


Remnant

by cjwritergal



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-09
Updated: 2009-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-11 16:39:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjwritergal/pseuds/cjwritergal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So," he said. "This is love."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remnant

**Author's Note:**

> I've seen a bunch of depictions of the characters as various homunculi. At one point I saw fanart of Lan Fan as Lust, and this fic was born from that idea.

_Some things never die._

She put the cup to her lips, sipping slowly.

It was too bright. For a moment, she toyed with killing all the people here, watching their expressions as she did it- but then she dismissed the idea. They were faintly amusing creatures. But it was still too bright. Someone would see her. Not that anyone would make her leave- or could make her leave, for that matter – but soon someone would see her, and come over. She knew it would happen. Men's gazes were invariably drawn to her. Just a fact of her life.

She knew it would happen, but she did not want it to. She was weary. Tired. She could not sleep, but her body felt heavy and she did not want men to come over to her, as she knew they would. She could just kill them, but then she would have to kill everyone here, and then there would be people searching for her, which would be mildly irritating, not to mention uncomfortable.

She knew it would happen, but she could keep it from happening. She could leave. She knew it would happen, but stayed anyway, taking another sip of her drink. Why not just leave? She shook her head; gripping her cup so tightly she had to restrain herself from shattering it.

No, she knew very well why she didn't leave.

Releasing her grip on the cup a little, she took another sip. She felt no buzz from the alcohol like humans did, but it was something to do with her hands.

"Hey there."

She put the cup down slowly. A man stood before her, smiling a little, his teeth flashing. His eyes tried to stay on her face, but as with all men that looked at her, he kept looking at her body. Everything- her neck, which was gracefully shown with her black hair pinned up, and her collarbones, which could just be seen under her long sleeves. His eyes lingered on her dress, which dipped in a low 'v' all the way down to her bellybutton. The dress itself was black, ending at her calves.

"Hello," She said, giving the man the barest of a smile.

She supposed that he was good-looking. And it wasn't as if she hadn't gone with men before, allowed them to take whatever pleasure they wished from her, only to be dead by morning. Occasionally she let some live- but that was an action that had only happened twice. His blonde hair stirred something inside of her mind, and she found herself looking at his arms and legs, expecting to see a glint of metal. But there was none, and the man did not have golden eyes.

"Well," He said, obviously encouraged by her smile. "I saw you from over there, and I couldn't help thinking that you're the most beautiful woman that I've ever seen."

Her light smile turned into a heavy grimace. She pursed her lips, but the man did not notice. They always called her 'beautiful'. That's what they always told her, but they were wrong.

Once, she had been beautiful. But no more.

"...so I was wondering if you would honor me with a dance?"

She didn't do anything for a moment, face expressionless now. She raised her cup to her lips. "No."

The man's eyes changed- he became angry. "Hey, don't you know who I am? I'm from the Amestris military, and am on good terms with this country's Emperor. You-"

"The answer is still no." She gazed off into the distance.

The man grabbed her arm. "Listen, you-"

She looked up at him slowly. "Let. Go.  _Now_." Her dark eyes stared into him, deep and menacing. "If you want to live, let go of me."

His face wore a sneer. "Not likely, you bitch-"

She could feel the nails of her left arm lengthening, fingers hardening under her glove, automail hand clenched tight under its own glove. She smiled at him pleasantly, threateningly.

A hand grabbed the man's shoulder.

"Now, now, there's no need for you to cause such a racket at a great party, is there? Besides," the new man leaned closer, pulling off his most threatening grin. "I do not take kindly to people that talk to her that way."

The man's skin had gone deathly pale. "Yes, yes of course, I- I um, I'm sorry, Emperor Yao, I had  _no_  idea-"

The emperor gave him a deadly, smiling look, and the man scampered off, stumbling through the crowd.

Emperor Ling Yao smiled down at her. He nodded his head. "Lust."

"Greed." She inclined her own head toward him.

"Well, fancy seeing you here. It's been a while. Didn't think you'd show."

"Don't lie." She sipped her drink as calmly as she could, her hand shaking a little. "You knew that I would come."

"I'm being sarcastic, sheesh." He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I knew you'd come. Of course I knew. Just like  _you_  knew that I'd be there last time." She didn't say anything, merely nodded her head, looking at him out of the corner of her eye. She couldn't help it.

He really was quite handsome. Black hair tied back, muscular body, entrancing dark eyes, a great smile. Masculine, but still young, like a boy. He was looking at her too. And while his smirk was as it always looked, his eyes were different. They were softer, and yet full of pain.

"So," he said, and his voice was mocking. "You still feel it, huh?"

She raised her eyebrows at him, trying to push back said feeling as it rose more powerfully within her. "So do you."

He shrugged, still smirking. "You know me, I want everything."

She didn't say anything for a moment, putting down her drink. "It's... more powerful than I thought," she admitted quietly, face still quite expressionless- save for her eyes. "I tried to stay away this time."

"Hmph. Didn't want to see my smiling face again, honey?" His smirk grew ever more mocking. "I tried that too. But you know what I say: 'Don't underestimate humans'. Yours did cut off her own arm."

She chuckled blackly. "As if I could forget. Makes killing all these  _insects_  harder." She nodded toward the people around them. Greed laughed.

She could feel it, rising ever higher. The sound of his laughter was nearly her undoing. She couldn't believe that she wasn't stronger than this. All the whispers and the voice of her human were gone, so why did this always happen? Why did these feelings always overpower her? Why did she always do this, when she did not want to? And soon, very soon, she would have no control whatsoever over her actions. Already, the  _need_  was scraping at her mind and insides, clawing up her throat, commanding her to reach out and touch him, hold him...

He looked at a far wall for a moment. "Let's go outside," he said abruptly, offering his hand to her, smirk still in place. He knew as soon as they touched, that would be it. Already his eyes were almost overflowing with their emotion, and it was obviously a struggle to keep his mocking smirk.

Slowly, she peeled off her gloves, letting them fall to the floor soundlessly, laying her hand in his.

And he was warm. All fire and gentleness and humor and sadness. His fingers tightened around hers, and he led her toward a balcony. Suddenly everyone was watching them, and it was as if they were in another life- how it could've been, how it should've been, with his hand in hers and his eyes on her face, her name on his lips, going past the people they ruled together in this moment, in their dreams, in the world that they would never have.

The night was cold, but she did not feel it.

Hands, hands, were searching, searching for her and her body, not like other men, but like he had to hold her close or he would fall apart. And they came together, dancing, breath mingling together, her hair tumbling down and her hands tight against him, he freeing his own hands for a moment to feel the silky black waves. His lips found her automail arm and he kissed it, going up and somehow keeping them moving, dancing, lips meeting her neck and chin. She tilted her head back, meeting his lips with her own.

His hand knotted in her hair and they stopped, heads moving together, lips seeking, pulling, grasping, meshing together until her heart felt as though it would explode and her body felt him everywhere, wanted him everywhere, until she couldn't remember what it felt like to not have him touching her. She pulled back with a wild gasp, and they leaned against each other, panting.

She shivered as he came closer, a small gasp working its way up her throat as he pressed himself to her, holding her tight, face in her hair. He wanted her too, she could tell. When he pulled back enough to stroke her face, his eyes were fire too, burning and warm and gentle and wonderful.

She reached behind his neck, wrapping her fingers around him and pulling him to her until their lips met again.

His hands found her waist, and before she could do anything he was spinning, spinning her around and there was such a smile on his face, as she threw back her head and laughed, and she wanted to be with him forever-

He brought her close again. "Let's go up," he said, voice deep and rough, panting. She nodded against him, holding him tight, like she would always be able to hold him like this. He swung her around, settling her on his back, swiftly jumping the railing and grabbing the trellis that climbed up the wall beside them. She clung to him, not fearing the height or that he might drop her because she trusted him more than anything.

And he helped her up, though she did not need it, helped her over the railing and through the glass doors, white curtains billowing, hiding them, covering them as they fell against each other, lips searching, grasping, tugging, hands moving up the other's body, memorizing, remembering, knowing, ripping and tearing the clothes in their way as they fell back against the bed, fitting together and crying out, embracing, caressing, holding each other in a small forever. His hands smoothed over her hips and legs, her hands gliding along his chest and back, touching him everywhere, making him cry out.

He whispered her name as they lay there, panting, and he smiled while he said it, reaching over and stroking her dark waterfall of hair, scooting closer. "Hey," he whispered, voice husky. He frowned suddenly. "What's wrong?"

For she was crying, thick tears falling down her face stinging her neck and cheeks. "I-" She began, unable to fathom the feeling that had suddenly overtaken her heart.

"What is it?" His warm hand wiped at her eyes, catching her tears. "It wasn't  _that_  bad, was it?" He smiled, but his eyes showed his worry as he wiped at her face. A sudden fear stole all the happiness from his. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

She shook her head frantically. "No- no-" she wished that she could explain to him, somehow, but the words weren't able to come how she wanted. But she felt herself sinking, being buried. "I- I don't-" Her hands pressed against her heart. "It's- it's fading and I-" she looked up suddenly into his worried eyes. "I don't want to leave!"

His eyes widened, and he began shaking suddenly, closing his eyes tight. "No-" he hissed, eyes flashing open and focusing on her, reaching out to grab her hand, to hold her again-

And they were gone.

Greed's face was blank, carefully controlled. His eyes still stared hard at her.

She pulled away from him, automail arm grasping her flesh one, using all of her willpower to turn her back on him.

"Hm."

She turned back, looking at him. His hands were behind his head, and he smirked at her, eyes hidden in shadow. "I guess this is love, huh?" He gestured to the bed, indicating what had happened with the people that were them, and yet not them.

She frowned, leaning back and staring at the ceiling. She had seen love before. She had seen it when the blonde man with gold eyes and metal limbs looked at a girl with blue eyes and soft smile that somehow hurt to remember. She had seen it on the face of the young girl from that other, lower clan, when she looked at another boy with golden eyes. She had seen it when that man from the Amestrian military, the man that wanted to be fuhrer, looked at the crimson-eyed blonde woman that worked under him.

She had seen love before.

"No," she said quietly. "This is not love. It is what remains of love. We're always there, in the back of their minds. They're never really together- all they exist for is the other. We're the remnants of love, a love that never was realized by the other. That's all."

He shrugged. "Whatever. I do have to admit that it was more interesting when ol' princey here could actually talk to me; try to take control all the time. Now he just does it around you. I don't even hear him anymore, but I stopped telling myself that I'd stop feeling this years ago." He sat up, stretching, and she unconsciously reached out for him, only just stopping herself.

"Well," he said, "It's been a pleasure, doll- and I really mean that-" he smiled flirtatiously at her. "But, this nation will fall into chaos without me. Amusing as that would be, I really don't want to have to clean up the mess." He slipped off the bed, searching for his clothes.

"Shit," He picked up a tattered shirt, torn to ribbons. "I need another new shirt." He turned, gave her a wink, and strode to the door, waving carelessly as he went. "See ya next time," he called.

His footsteps faded.

She nodded to herself, remembering the look in his eyes that he'd tried to force down. "Next time," She agreed to the empty room. There was always a 'next time'.

~(~*(~*(~*(~*)*~)*~)*~)~

Greed was right. The feelings never stopped.

Not that she really expected them to now. She used to believe that, along with everything else, the feelings would fade. But they didn't. She could only pull herself away for so long, before she found herself back in Xing, finding him wherever he was, the feelings taking over. But they'd never gone as far as they had this time- never before.

The voice had faded, so why the hell hadn't these feelings?

Now, they seemed to rise more powerfully, nearly choking her. They clogged her senses, drove her mad. She could not leave Xing, and could only go as far as a few cities. In each one she took up a different persona, throwing herself to the other men that so obviously wanted her, letting them kiss her, touch her, reach up inside of her-

But the feelings still didn't fade.

She settled herself for a few weeks in a small village. Physical pain of the harshest kind tore through her, the farther she made herself go. But she plastered a smile on her face- the kind of smile that made the bouncer stare at her in a daze, as she went into the bar.

She wore white today, something she never did. She didn't know why, except that maybe the girl inside of her had always worn black. She'd cut the fabric with her knife, until it was split all the way down to her bellybutton, the long sleeves hooking to a low dipped back. Her gloves were black as usual.

Her hair was down, swaying past her shoulders. The tattoo, the tattoo that told anyone that would know who she was, flashed everyone from its place on her stomach.

"Hey there, beautiful," a voice spoke from beside her.

She turned, trying not to grimace at the word, the word they always called her.

"Hello," She smiled, clenching her automail hand into a fist behind her back. "Care to show a girl a good time?" She leaned forward, and the man's grin widened.

"Why don't you come with me and my friends," he offered. "We'll give you a great time." He held out his cold hand to her.

She took it, throwing back her head and flashing her teeth. "Sounds... wonderful."

The other men all blurred before her, their faces melting together. Her chest hurt. She panted a little. "Well, who wants to have fun first?"

Hands, hands reached for her, grabbing at her, tearing her clothes and reaching up, up between her legs, and she was surrounded by laughter, laughter upon laughter and smiles and eyes, and cold hands, such cold hands.

She would kill them tomorrow. Hell, she would kill the whole village, kill all the men and the women, and laugh as the children screamed in fear, as these little insects squirmed and fought, she would laugh-

"Look, fellas," one of the men slurred. "She's enjoyin' it..."

She turned her head toward him, ready to tell him just how much she was enjoying it, show him what she had in mind for pleasure, when a girl's voice nearby caught her ears.

"The Emperor! Look, oh, look, it's the Emperor!" Giggling girls pressed themselves to the windows, each whispering about how there wasn't  _anything_  they wouldn't give to be the Emperor's wife...

She closed her eyes, stepping away from the men. "Damn," She hissed, vision beginning to cloud. The feeling, the feelings, they rose up, swarming, making it hard to breathe, to walk. One of the men grabbed her by the arm, and she turned on him, 'ultimate lance' striking out so quickly that his arm flew in a high arc, and his head went next, falling to the ground and cracking. The next man lost his groin first, head last. The blood made arcs in the air that were beautiful.

The screaming followed her as she left, most of the denizens alive, searching for the man that she could not leave behind. Blood splattered her white dress.

There was only one inn in the town. She quickly made her way there, tripping and stumbling as she ran along rooftops, vision clouded, trying to hold on vainly, trying to remain who she was, trying to not let the feelings swallow her up again-

"Ling," She whispered. "Ling!" Where was he? He had to be around somewhere...

A gunshot sliced its way through her abdomen.

She crumpled, cupping her stomach in her hands, staring through tear-filled eyes for the shooter. Blood was coughed from her mouth.

"Monster!" A man in front of her cried. "I saw what you did in that bar!"

He shot her again.

What was he saying? What did he mean? Monster? He was the monster, shooting her like that, now she wouldn't see Ling-

But the gunshots didn't hurt anymore. She froze, eyes coming up slowly. There was no blood pouring from her wound. But how? That was impossible, she had been hit, she had felt the wound-

She stopped. The man shot her again, and again, until the bullets wore out, but she did not rise, only crumpled as the shots tore through her, only to sit up again and stare forward, waiting for him to shoot again. When nothing happened, she looked up slowly, staring at him with haunted eyes.

He ran away screaming.

She would not die. She was a monster, she had killed all those people, she had killed, she was a monster, a monster, and now she could feel the monster, sitting there inside of her, waiting, waiting for her to meet with Ling again and be done-

But she and Ling could never be truly together.

She jumped from ledge to ledge, making her way to the room she knew to be for the emperor- the largest room at the inn. There had to be a mirror in there, somewhere, she had to check, she had to be sure-

The room was dark, and rain began to patter outside. A silver-lined mirror sat on the dresser in the corner, reflecting her faint outline. Slowly, she moved closer, fingers reaching out toward the reflection, finding in the glass the tattoo, the mark that showed her to be everything the man had claimed-

Her friends were dead. Her grandfather was dead. The boys with golden eyes and the blue-eyed girl with the kind smiles were all dead. Long dead. The monster was there, was in control most of the time, the monster made her kill and break, rip apart and destroy-

And Ling, Ling was alive in Greed, alive and hurting because he could never be fully with her, hurting because all that was left of him was this love, this love that had remained throughout it all, remained when everything else had faded. The love that could not really exist, could not free them or make them happy because the monsters felt nothing for each other, tried to keep them apart-

Her fist shattered the window. The scrapes on her knuckles healed while her fingers searched for the biggest piece of glass, the sharpest, the longest. She crouched, glass cutting into her knees, head turned upward.

She could still die.

Her hands plunged, dragging the glass through her stomach and up to her heart, dragged the glass out again before thrusting it in once more, over and over and over-

All that was left of herself was a remnant, a remnant that existed only to never truly be with who she loved. She was a monster. She had killed, dreamed about killing, wanted to kill, slaughtered families and children for the sake of boredom, so wasn't it fitting that she die too? All of their faces flashed before her eyes, the faces of her friends and those she had killed, and  _his_  face, Ling's face-

She had to end his pain.

It hurt him to cling the way they did, unable to be together, fading into near nonexistence, being erased as the years passed-

The glass dug deeper.

~(*~(*~(~*(~*~)*~)*~)*~)*~)~

He found her hours later.

And his guards found him (his body entwined with hers) hours after that.


End file.
